I am FINALLY to the point where I feel almost normal. Still have a very annoying, lingering cough, but I have my voice back and all of my other symptoms are gone. I wanted to do something today to get back into my routine, but I didn't want to do anything that would throw me into a coughing fit.
So...
Original workout:
100 air squats
90 butterfly sit-ups
80 alternating lunges
70 burpees
60 second plank
50 mountain climbers
40 push ups
30 hollow rocks
20 jump squats
10 hand release push ups
My modification:
Normally, I would do this as a chipper-style workout. In other words, you don't move on to the next movement until I have finished all of the reps (100 air squats, then 90 sit-ups, etc.). However, since 70 burpees sounded like a cough-fest, I decided to change it to 5 rounds with the same total number of reps. Therefore, my workout looked like this-
5 rounds
20 air squats
18 butterfly sit-ups
16 alternating lunges
14 burpees
10 mountain climbers
8 push ups
6 hollow rocks
4 jump squats
2 hand release push ups
THEN
60 second plank
I timed myself today and it took me just under 24 minutes to complete, so that's around 4-5 minutes per round. I feel like I split this up pretty well, all things considered. I didn't really have to take any breaks, except for a few quick ones on push ups because my arms were tired from the mountain climber/burpee combo right before. No coughing fits. The only real issue was that it's 95 degrees here today and we don't have the air on in the house, so I was sweating like I just jumped out of a pool afterwards. Sweat the sick out, right?!
**Miscarriage/lady problems warning: In other news, aunt flo FINALLY decided make a comeback yesterday, just one day short of 5 weeks post-D&C!!! This is the first time I think I've ever been excited for THAT, but I'm just so happy to feel like I'm finally back to "normal" and not stuck in some weird gray area.
Have a good weekend, friends! :)
Showing posts with label Miscarriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Miscarriage. Show all posts
Friday, May 19, 2017
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
It's over
Well.. I had my D&C on Friday. I was so worried about it beforehand. I've had to have a few surgeries before and have never been as nervous as I was for this one. I think it was just because I had no idea what to expect. Honestly, I never even heard of a D&C until a few months ago when someone else I know had to have one. When I found out the baby was gone, I initially told my doctor that I wanted to miscarry naturally, even though she advised against it due to the fact that I had no bleeding or cramping and the baby was measuring 8 weeks. She said that she was worried that I would end up bleeding too much and need an emergency D&C. After doing some research, I decided that the surgery would be the easiest option on my body and my mind. I have to say, I am SO happy with my decision. I can't imagine passing our baby on my own into the toilet. Not only that, but at almost 11 weeks, my body still hadn't recognized that the baby was gone. Who knows how much longer it would have taken for me to start miscarrying naturally.
Anyway, this will be my last post about my miscarriage. I don't want to dwell on it anymore. In a few days (once I stop bleeding and the bloat goes away), I will start working out again and posting my workouts. I'm also going to be revamping my website this weekend and adding a section for my DIY house projects. Stay tuned! :)
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
The waiting game
So, it's been a week since I posted. I haven't really worked out since my last workout entry and I wasn't really sure what to post otherwise. I've taken lots of walks around our lake this week, but I haven't made myself go to the gym. I'm not sure why, honestly. As far as what is going on, I'm waiting to have my D&C procedure. That will happen on Friday.
How do I feel a week later? I feel pretty normal, actually. It's a little weird to know that there's a dead baby inside me that my body hasn't recognized, but I'm not really upset anymore. Basically, in this scenario, I just got really unlucky. Based on the statistics online, the chance of losing the baby after you hear the heartbeat is 1-2%. The chance of having a missed miscarriage is 1%. I fall under both of those categories. I could dwell on this fact and I could feel really bad for myself and I could sit in my house and cry all day.. but I don't want to. I don't see the point. I don't see what that would do for me other than make me depressed. Would I have liked to still be pregnant? Absolutely. But I'm not, and I can't dwell on the what-ifs.
I think, in life, people have two ways of handling situations (with a little gray area, of course). They either lose or build a layer when faced with a less than ideal situation. People that lose layers are "feelers". They wear their hardships on their sleeves. They are extremely compassionate to other people, but also allow their own feelings to get the best of them. They are "weak," for lack of a better term, in the sense that they fall apart sometimes and need to lean on others for support. Then, there are the builders. With each hardship in life, they put up a wall. They lack compassion and are extremely logical in the way they deal with their pain. They seem to have it all together even in the toughest of times, but they are just good at internalizing their pain. They don't rely on others to help them get through tough times. Neither is the correct way to deal with situations because both have their pros and cons. However, I choose to build a layer. I let each bad situation I'm dealt in life harden me because I don't want to fall apart. However, I also don't let a lot of people in to help me when I need it the most, and that is my downfall. Maybe this was meant to teach me something about myself.
I feel like the only thing that I can do is move forward and realize what I have learned from this situation. Prior to being pregnant, I never thought that I would even be able to GET pregnant. I don't know why; that's just always how I felt. So, the fact that it happened at all and happened so fast is a huge positive. As I've said before, I'm a very logical person and I always said, "If I ever had a miscarriage, I don't think I'd be upset. I would know something was wrong with the baby." While that's partially true (I do still think that), this situation has taught me to be compassionate in a way that I didn't know how to be before. I understand the shock, disbelief, and sadness associated with miscarriage. These are just a few things that I can be grateful for in this situation.
I may or may not update after my D&C. We will see how I feel. After that, I'm not sure how long it will be until I can go back to working out, so I may be taking some time off from posting. I will be back eventually though with my daily workouts. I might not be a mama (I will always be a dog mama though, so the name will stay!), but I will always be a lifter. :)
How do I feel a week later? I feel pretty normal, actually. It's a little weird to know that there's a dead baby inside me that my body hasn't recognized, but I'm not really upset anymore. Basically, in this scenario, I just got really unlucky. Based on the statistics online, the chance of losing the baby after you hear the heartbeat is 1-2%. The chance of having a missed miscarriage is 1%. I fall under both of those categories. I could dwell on this fact and I could feel really bad for myself and I could sit in my house and cry all day.. but I don't want to. I don't see the point. I don't see what that would do for me other than make me depressed. Would I have liked to still be pregnant? Absolutely. But I'm not, and I can't dwell on the what-ifs.
I think, in life, people have two ways of handling situations (with a little gray area, of course). They either lose or build a layer when faced with a less than ideal situation. People that lose layers are "feelers". They wear their hardships on their sleeves. They are extremely compassionate to other people, but also allow their own feelings to get the best of them. They are "weak," for lack of a better term, in the sense that they fall apart sometimes and need to lean on others for support. Then, there are the builders. With each hardship in life, they put up a wall. They lack compassion and are extremely logical in the way they deal with their pain. They seem to have it all together even in the toughest of times, but they are just good at internalizing their pain. They don't rely on others to help them get through tough times. Neither is the correct way to deal with situations because both have their pros and cons. However, I choose to build a layer. I let each bad situation I'm dealt in life harden me because I don't want to fall apart. However, I also don't let a lot of people in to help me when I need it the most, and that is my downfall. Maybe this was meant to teach me something about myself.
I feel like the only thing that I can do is move forward and realize what I have learned from this situation. Prior to being pregnant, I never thought that I would even be able to GET pregnant. I don't know why; that's just always how I felt. So, the fact that it happened at all and happened so fast is a huge positive. As I've said before, I'm a very logical person and I always said, "If I ever had a miscarriage, I don't think I'd be upset. I would know something was wrong with the baby." While that's partially true (I do still think that), this situation has taught me to be compassionate in a way that I didn't know how to be before. I understand the shock, disbelief, and sadness associated with miscarriage. These are just a few things that I can be grateful for in this situation.
I may or may not update after my D&C. We will see how I feel. After that, I'm not sure how long it will be until I can go back to working out, so I may be taking some time off from posting. I will be back eventually though with my daily workouts. I might not be a mama (I will always be a dog mama though, so the name will stay!), but I will always be a lifter. :)
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
No more heartbeat...
Well, I wish I could say this post was good news. Unfortunately, at my second ultrasound, there was no heartbeat. It seems as though the baby stopped growing this past weekend. They said that this was more than likely due to some sort of chromosomal abnormality. I know this. I have been telling my husband this was always a possibility since we found out we were pregnant. Miscarriage has always loomed in the back of my mind. I know that the chance of it is so high. However, I also know that the chance of miscarriage after seeing the heartbeat was only 1-2%. I guess I just happen to fall into that unlucky percentage.
Pre-pregnancy, when I heard that other women had had a miscarriage, I would always think, "If I have a miscarriage, I won't be upset. I'll know the baby wasn't healthy and my body was doing it's job." And, logically, I do think that. Still, I surprised myself by how upset this all has made me. I have been crying on and off for the past two days.
This has really made me reflect on my feelings. I wouldn't describe what I feel as sad, per se. I am sad, but not for myself. I'm sad for my husband. I saw him cry for the first time since our wedding yesterday. I'm sad for our parents. We just told them all last week, out of excitement. I always said I wouldn't tell anyone until I was 12 weeks, but I broke that rule after we heard the heartbeat. My dad went through cancer treatments all last year and finally got a clean bill of health. I wanted to give them good news; something to look forward to. Yet, here I am, not even a week later, adding on to the pile of shit they have had to deal with over the past year. Why didn't I wait?
This brings me to my next feeling- anger. I'm angry at myself, first and foremost. I KNEW I should have waited to tell them, but I let my excitement get the better of me. Then I get angry that this is happening to me. Haven't I dealt with enough this past year? No, stop it. That's a selfish way to think. Lots of people deal with a lot more than you. Angry, jealous, annoyed, sad, selfish, envious. I feel it all. I'm so surprised by these emotions.
Why isn't this something more people talk about? Why do I not know what is "normal" to feel? Why is this something that you're just supposed to suffer with in silence? Why do I feel weird taking off work? I haven't taken off work, actually, because I don't know what to say. I'm not physically sick. I'm heart sick. I don't want anyone to know what I'm feeling because I don't want them to tell me the very same thing I would have told anyone else in my situation: "Well, it wasn't meant to be" or "Something must have been wrong with the baby" or "I'm sure you'll have a happy, healthy baby next time." It doesn't help. Nothing helps.
But that doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about it. I want to express how I feel. I don't want to keep it in. I want to be sad and for people to understand why I'm sad. I want someone to come to me if and when this happens to them because they KNOW I went through it. I want to be a shoulder. I want to be that person that says it's okay to be sad, angry, jealous, etc., etc. That they NEED to feel these feelings and reflect. That it's good for the soul to get it all out.
And so, in a matter of 48 hours, I feel like I have gone through every emotion in the book and have come to some sort of acceptance of what is happening. I will be scheduling my D&C for next week in hopes that I can move on from this quickly and begin to heal. Maybe I'll be a mom one day and maybe I won't. I have to accept that this is something that is out of my control and whatever is supposed to happen, will. I can't beat myself up anymore.
Pre-pregnancy, when I heard that other women had had a miscarriage, I would always think, "If I have a miscarriage, I won't be upset. I'll know the baby wasn't healthy and my body was doing it's job." And, logically, I do think that. Still, I surprised myself by how upset this all has made me. I have been crying on and off for the past two days.
This has really made me reflect on my feelings. I wouldn't describe what I feel as sad, per se. I am sad, but not for myself. I'm sad for my husband. I saw him cry for the first time since our wedding yesterday. I'm sad for our parents. We just told them all last week, out of excitement. I always said I wouldn't tell anyone until I was 12 weeks, but I broke that rule after we heard the heartbeat. My dad went through cancer treatments all last year and finally got a clean bill of health. I wanted to give them good news; something to look forward to. Yet, here I am, not even a week later, adding on to the pile of shit they have had to deal with over the past year. Why didn't I wait?
This brings me to my next feeling- anger. I'm angry at myself, first and foremost. I KNEW I should have waited to tell them, but I let my excitement get the better of me. Then I get angry that this is happening to me. Haven't I dealt with enough this past year? No, stop it. That's a selfish way to think. Lots of people deal with a lot more than you. Angry, jealous, annoyed, sad, selfish, envious. I feel it all. I'm so surprised by these emotions.
Why isn't this something more people talk about? Why do I not know what is "normal" to feel? Why is this something that you're just supposed to suffer with in silence? Why do I feel weird taking off work? I haven't taken off work, actually, because I don't know what to say. I'm not physically sick. I'm heart sick. I don't want anyone to know what I'm feeling because I don't want them to tell me the very same thing I would have told anyone else in my situation: "Well, it wasn't meant to be" or "Something must have been wrong with the baby" or "I'm sure you'll have a happy, healthy baby next time." It doesn't help. Nothing helps.
But that doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about it. I want to express how I feel. I don't want to keep it in. I want to be sad and for people to understand why I'm sad. I want someone to come to me if and when this happens to them because they KNOW I went through it. I want to be a shoulder. I want to be that person that says it's okay to be sad, angry, jealous, etc., etc. That they NEED to feel these feelings and reflect. That it's good for the soul to get it all out.
And so, in a matter of 48 hours, I feel like I have gone through every emotion in the book and have come to some sort of acceptance of what is happening. I will be scheduling my D&C for next week in hopes that I can move on from this quickly and begin to heal. Maybe I'll be a mom one day and maybe I won't. I have to accept that this is something that is out of my control and whatever is supposed to happen, will. I can't beat myself up anymore.
Monday, April 3, 2017
9 weeks, 3 days
My doctor called today and said she just got a chance to look at my ultrasound. Unfortunately, she says she sees a hematoma (not sure if she is referring to an SCH or something else). I already had my first OB appointment scheduled for this Wednesday night, so now I have to go for a second ultrasound tomorrow morning. They will compare this one to the first to monitor the size of the baby and the hematoma. I don't/haven't had any bleeding and the heartbeat was strong at my last appointment. However, the baby was measuring 6 days behind at my first ultrasound, so I guess that's why they are being more cautious. Hopefully everything looks okay tomorrow and she's happy with the baby's progress on Wednesday. Until then, I've decided to cool it on the workouts. I will be taking a little break until I speak with the doctor about what's safe and what's not. Have a good week!
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